Grave Expectations

We catch up with Beccy to see what makes them a little different.

Words: Paul Chapman

Images: Grave Expectations & Fern Floral Design

Grave Expectations is a new business offering funeral services - ‘Compassionate, Bespoke Funeral Care - Derbyshire’s female-led funeral directors, providing nurturing and transparent care.’ A bold statement but after chatting with Beccy Edgar, one of the two female founders and owners, I get it!

Over the past few years I’ve attended a few funerals, most traditional, church or crematorium based and to a standard plan or format. One was different, the wicker coffin, the request to wear t-shirts and colours, a quick pint in the pub and then a life celebration event spent in the garden and camping in the field next to the house… a small festival, a time to remember the good times, smiles not tears.

This is what Grave Expectations are about, funerals but done differently. “I suppose you could say we’re not ‘traditional’ in the strictest sense,” says Beccy. “We don’t think a funeral can be arranged in 45 minutes, that to me, seems to give the wrong message.

“We take pride in putting together a service that is right for the family. If sustainability is high on your list we can provide a wide range of choices for the coffin for instance, cardboard, wicker, mushroom, tartan material, we have access to several options. The cardboard ones are unbelievable; the standard and finish must be seen to be believed.

“Our Wicker coffins are hand weaved by Abi; she is happy for the family to be involved in the weaving if they wish, the hands on connection really helps people with the grieving process. Our florists can provide locally grown and wildflowers and will visit your home to take flowers from the garden if necessary, and they can also be presented in small glass jars to be taken home after the service to be enjoyed at home, as a memory.”

I was picking up a real sense of support and personalisation, approaching things differently to help with a family’s grief, to hold family's hands through the process, a wonderful way to involve the family, to allow them a sense of ownership, to allow them to grieve and create positive memories.

Right now, the pair have agreed on a premises and are excited to be establishing their base, they like to think of it as a community space and are planning an inclusive space for aftercare for people once their loved one has gone, a way to help through the grieving process end to end. The relationship with Grave Expectations does not finish when you walk away from your loved one for that last time.

“Funerals are never easy so knowing the family and understanding how we can make the day as easy as possible is what we do.

“Direct cremations are becoming popular, this is an unattended cremation, it’s much cheaper than a crematorium, and we can arrange a service in the village hall or your back garden if you wish, where we create something that meets your needs.

“If you don’t want the funeral director in top hat and cane walking in front of the hearse you can do something different, we’ve recently had family members leading their loved one,” says Beccy.

For When I’m Gone: Evidence of the caring approach the pair take is the handout book, ‘For When I'm Gone’. It’s a simple way for someone to start thinking about their wishes when the time comes, notes about the service, details that may help people who are sorting the estate, and funeral arrangements.

To accompany this they are Crowdfunding the production of a practical, compassionate guide to death, farewells, and what comes next.

"We’re creating a book to gently support people through death and goodbyes, with clarity, care, and no unnecessary jargon or rigid packages," says Beccy. They are crowdfunding to raise £1,000 this will enable them to apply for a Muddy Stilettos award for female led businesses of £10,000 to allow them to get the book out to hospitals and the Derbyshire community. If you’re a business or individual who would like to help towards this project, just follow the QR code below.

There is so much more I can say about Grave Expectations but put simply they are about taking the fear away from funerals, making it less pressured, something more considered and more personal.

My conversation made me consider my own wishes, maybe a final ride around the Peak District… a mountain bike trailer towing a mushroom coffin, might be a little ambitious for the mountain biking friends I leave behind - but I’d like to think it could be up for consideration?

FB: Search graveexpectations

IG: graveexpectations_

graveexpectations.co.uk